


You Said You'd Grow Old With Me

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Theo Raeken, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Derek Hale, Loss, M/M, Married Couple, Married Derek Hale/Theo Raeken, Sad, Self-Sacrificing Derek Hale, Theo Raeken & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Theo Raeken Misses Derek Hale, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 18:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15149267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: When Theo memorized Derek's flight number he expected to use it to check for updates on when his flight was getting in, and as a way of knowing when he would finally be seeing his husband again. He never expected to see the number flashing across the TV as part of a Breaking News bulletin.





	You Said You'd Grow Old With Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LovelyLittleGrim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLittleGrim/gifts).



> I am here dedicating yet another painful fic to Amanda. But to be fair she posted the song and it sort of inspired this and the spiral that followed.  
> Title is from [You Said You'd Grow Old With Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9Ht08fu8Cw) by Michael Schulte, and it was also a big influence over this fic. So if you want some added feeling I recommend listening to it.

_“Are you sure you have to go,” Theo mumbles, nuzzling into Derek’s neck._

_“I am,” Derek says, “Cora needs my help.”_

_Theo sighs, “I know. I just hate that you’re going to be gone for so long. And that I have to stay here.”_

_“I know babe,” Derek says, “Me too. But we’ll talk all the time while I’m there. I promise.”_

_“We better,” Theo mutters, “Or else I might say screw it and quit my job and book a flight to South America to come see you.”_

_Derek chuckles, his hands trailing up the bare skin of Theo’s back, “I certainly wouldn’t complain about that.”_

_Theo sighs, relaxing under Derek’s touch. “Don’t tempt me.”_

_“I’ll be home before you know it T,” Derek says, placing a kiss to his jaw and leaving his lips there as he speaks, “I promise.”_

_“Good,” Theo tells him. “And when you get back I’ll be showing you just how much I’ve missed you.”_

_“I haven’t even left yet and you’re already planning things for my return.”_

_“Hmm just certain things,” Theo says, “Things that will be just between the two of us.”_

_Derek shudders when Theo takes is earlobe between his teeth and tugs. “I look forward to it.”_

_“And I think we should make the most of our time together now, don’t you?” Theo asks._

_“Definitely,” Derek murmurs. Then he’s pulling Theo in for a deep kiss. One that’s full of promise, telling him I love you. I’ll miss you. I’ll be back home soon._

_And Theo knows. He treasures the kisses and unspoken words. What’s more, he treasures the way Derek’s face softens as he looks up at him and speaks the words his lips were just telling him in their own way._

***

Theo glances around the bar, his foot tapping nervously against the floor as the waits for his drink. He only has a few hours to go before Derek’s flight lands and he’s finally reunited with his husband. It’s been weeks since the last time he saw Derek and it’s honestly been too long. But he knows Derek needed to see his sister and Theo hadn’t been able to take time off so he’d had to stay. They’d facetimed every day though, and that made it a little bit more bearable. He still can’t wait to see Derek’s face and hear his voice in person again. To have those strong arms wrap around him and pull him close. To breathe in his familiar scent. It’s really been too long.

Theo checks the status of the flight again on his mobile app as he takes a sip of his drink and sighs. There hasn’t been a change. Not that he’s expecting one. He still can’t stop himself from checking the flight every few minutes just in case. He’d memorized Derek’s flight number just for this reason.

He exits the app and smiles down at the picture on his lock screen. It’s one of him and Derek, taken for their engagement pictures. Theo is on Derek’s back, both of them smiling and happy, ready to start their lives together. It’s one of his favorite pictures of the two of them.

“Hey Theo!” Stiles calls from across the bar, “Can you come here for a sec?”

Theo sighs and sits his phone down on their shared table before making his way over to where Stiles is standing by one of the pool tables.

“What is it Stiles?” Theo asks, walking up next to his friend.

Stiles grins at him, “I just need your expertise. We’re playing teams and you’re one of the best.”

“Who are we playing?” Theo asks, grabbing one of the cue sticks off the wall.

“Liam and Scott,” Stiles says, gesturing to where Scott and Liam are huddled together, talking.

Theo gives Stiles an amused smile, “I hardly think you’d need my help against those two.”

“Hey!” Liam pouts. “Rude.”

“Yeah we’re not that bad,” Scott says.

Stiles snorts, “But you are bad.”

“Yeah but we’ve been getting better,” Scott tells them.

Theo gestures towards the table, where the balls are racked and ready. “Let’s see it then.”

They play a couple rounds of pool, Stiles and Theo always wiping the floor with Scott and Liam. Even when Theo tries to go easy on them they still manage to lose. After the third game Theo decides it’s time for a break.

“I think you guys need something to drink,” Theo tells him. “I’ll get this round.”

He walks towards the bar and orders their drinks, his foot tapping to the music coming from the jukebox as he waits. His eyes move up to the TV when he hears the sound of a breaking news alert coming across. Theo’s not sure what he expects, but it’s certainly not what he sees.

On screen, one of the news anchors is talking about a terrible crash that happened just moments ago. Theo’s eyes move down to where the header is flashing across the screen and he feels his breath leave him. The words making his world shift and everything come to a screeching halt.

**_FLIGHT 3607 CRASHES NEAR SAN ANTONIO_ **

The numbers, the ones he’d memorized the moment Derek had told him, are flashing across the screen. Theo moves from the bar, his legs unsteady and his eyes unfocused. He can’t seem to catch his breath. His only thoughts are of Derek.

_That’s Derek’s flight. Derek was on that plane._

Everything else falls away. All he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and his vision goes blurry and then Theo is going down.

When Theo opens his eyes again it’s to see Liam’s familiar face hovering above his own. His first instinct is to be annoyed, as he pushes himself up.

“Derek,” Theo mumbles, his eyes moving around the room. He watches as Liam and Stiles share a look, unsure what to say. Then Theo's eyes land on the TV and he remembers but he still doesn't want to believe it. “No.”

“Theo…” Stiles begins.

“No,” Theo says, shaking his head as he gets to his feet. “No this isn’t happening. This isn’t real.”

“Theo,” Scott tries, but Theo takes a step back, shaking his head again, and stumbling into a chair behind him in his haste to get away.

“I just need to call him,” Theo says. “I need my phone,” he looks around the bar, searching for his phone as he brings a hand up to run through his hair. “Where is my damn phone?”

“Here,” Liam says, holding out his hand with Theo’s phone in it.

Theo snatches the phone from Liam and unlocks it. He feels his heart speed up when he sees he has a missed call from Derek and a voicemail. He notes the time and closes his eyes. It’s right before the plane crashed. Theo tells himself it still doesn’t mean anything, but he’s having trouble believing it. Especially when he notes he also has a text from Derek. The five words on the screen enough to break Theo.

_“I love you. I’m sorry.”_

Theo clutches the phone to his chest as his body shakes as he sobs. He feels arms wrap around him but he hardly cares who they belong to. It doesn’t matter. Not when the one person he wants to put their arms around him is gone and will never hold him again.

Theo is in a haze the rest of the day. He knows people are talking to him and asking him questions but he can’t focus. His mind keeps drifting to Derek. He wonders how he felt during those last moments before the plane crashed. Was he afraid?

Theo can’t help but feel guilty now, knowing that one of the last things Derek did was call him and he hadn’t even been around to answer the phone. He hadn’t been able to tell Derek how much he loves him and how happy he’d made him.

He hasn’t been able to make himself listen to the voicemail Derek left him. The thought of those words being some of the last things he’ll ever hear Derek say to him is too much for him. He’s not sure if he’ll ever be ready if he’s being honest. Logically, he knows he can save the voicemail and listen to it again and again, but he still can’t do it. This will be the last time Derek says something to him and he hears it for the first time. He just needs one more first rather than a last.

That night Theo finds himself alone in their bed, his body curled tightly around Derek’s pillow. He tries to find his scent but it’s faded by now, smelling more like Theo than Derek by this point. Theo kind of hates himself for wasting such a precious thing. Now he’ll be lucky if he ever smells Derek again.

That thought just makes Theo clutch the pillow tighter as sobs wrack his body. It’s unfair. They’d only been married 10 years and still had so many things they were planning to do. They were going to have kids and a little family of their own. Now that would never happen.

It’s unfair that Derek is gone and he’s still here. Derek was good and pure and had fought so hard to get ahead of his darkness. He was finally happy. After years of fighting and struggling he’d finally found himself in a good place. Now he’s just gone. And it’s not fair.

Theo doesn’t sleep much that night. He can’t. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Derek’s smiling face dancing behind his eyelids. It’s too much. That smile had always been one of Theo’s favorites, especially when it was directed and it. Now it’s nothing but a memory, like so many other things. Now all Theo is left with is an empty bed, cold sheets, and regrets. He’s left wondering if he told Derek that he loved him enough, or that he showed him just how much he loved and appreciated him. He hopes he did.

Over the next few days word gets out about there being survivors from the crash. Theo can’t help the little bit of hope that fills him at the possibility of Derek being okay. He knows it’s a long shot. There were apparently only a few parachutes and so far it’s only been women and children that have surfaced.

The more time passes, the more Theo realizes how foolish he had been to even let himself hope.

_‘Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.’_

Theo can’t help but feel like Friedrich Nietzsche was right about that. The little moments of hope Theo felt only prolonged his pain, and if anything made it worse. Because once he realizes that Derek really isn’t coming back to him it feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel a flare of it when there’s a knock on his door a few days after the crash. An image of him opening the door to see Derek’s smiling face on the other side flashes through his mind and has him all but running towards the door. Except when Theo opens the door it’s not Derek but a woman. Theo immediately recognizes her from the news. She’s one of the survivors from the crash.

“Can I help you?” Theo asks.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” the woman says. “It’s just… I knew your husband. And I promised him I would come here.”

Theo nods, feeling tears start to swim across his vision. He wanted proof one way or another and here it is, standing in front of him. “You talked to him?” Theo chokes out.

“I did,” she says, her voice quiet. “He saved my life.”

Theo lets out a wet laugh, “Of course he did.”

“He really loved you, you know?” She tells him.

All Theo can do is listen to her as she talks to him. Derek’s last moments finally coming to light.

***

_Derek looks down at his phone, smiling when he sees the picture of him and Theo on the screen. It would only be another few hours now and then he’d be back in his husband’s arms. He’d be able to hold him and tell him how much he loves him._

_Derek frowns when he hears a sudden hissing from the back of the plane before the plane starts shaking. He looks towards the back to see the flight attendants huddled together and speaking quietly. He tries to listen, only catching bits of their conversation over the now loud sputtering. There’s something wrong with the plane. They think it’s going down._

_Derek grips the arm rests of his seat and looks out the window, feeling his nerves skyrocket as he sees the smoke. There’s an uproar as other people start noticing what’s happening before the pilot’s grim voice sounds over the intercom._

_“Folk, it looks like we’ve lost one of the engines. We’re trying to make it to a safe place to land but I have to tell you that might not be possible. In case of emergency there are a few parachutes located under some of the seats.”_

_Derek has a moment to wonder what shitty airline doesn't provide parachutes for all the passengers. Then his hand moves under his seat and relief fills him. He has a parachute. He can get home to Theo. He’ll get through this. He stands up, preparing to head to where some of the other passengers with parachutes are gathering by the emergency exit when he sees a woman crying in her seat. He listens and realizes she’s on the phone with her husband, telling him she's not going to make it home and to tell the kids she loves them._

_He looks from his parachute over to her then down at his phone where the picture of him and Theo is still on display, before looking back to the woman. He takes a deep breath, knowing what he has to do and then walks over and hands her the parachute, “Go home to your kids.”_

_She looks up in shock, “What? Sir, I can’t take this. It’s yours.”_

_“You have a family to get home to,” Derek tells her. “Please just take it.”_

_“But you…”_

_Derek shakes his head, giving her a sad smile. He looks down at the picture of Theo again, feeling a tear escape before he can stop it. “Can you just find my husband for me? His name is Theo Hale. And maybe give him this.”_

_Derek walks to his carry on and pulls out a small bag before handing it over, “I always bring him back something. I can’t let him down this time.”_

_The woman throws herself into his arms and hugs him tightly, whispering out a quiet, “I’ll tell him. Can you… what’s your name?”_

_“Derek, my name is Derek.”_

_“I’m Lisa,” she says, giving him a small smile. “Thank you Derek.”_

_Derek nods and watches her walk away. He heads back to his seat and looks down at his phone. He pulls up his contacts, hitting call on Theo’s number. He listens as it rings and isn’t sure how he feels about it going to voicemail. Maybe this is for the best. He can say what he needs to say and Theo can have it to hold onto. He can at least give him that._

_When he hangs up he brings up the picture of him and Theo again, needing to see his husbands face. He can’t stop the tears from coming now. He hears the emergency door open and then the sound of people jumping as the plane starts to nosedive. His eyes never leave the phone as the plane races towards the ground._

_“I love you, Theo,” Derek murmurs, fingers stroking the screen. Then there’s nothing._

***

Theo can only stand there as Lisa pulls out a bag and hands it to him. He doesn’t have to open it. He knows what’s inside. He’s used to Derek bringing him home small gifts by now. Except this isn’t Derek giving it to him. It’s a stranger. And it’s the last thing he’ll ever get from Derek.

Theo is surprised when Lisa hugs him tightly, “I’m so sorry for you loss, Theo. Your husband really loved you.”

Theo mumbles out a quiet, “Thank you,” as he tries to keep his composure.

“If you ever need anything my number is taped to the bag,” she tells him.

Theo can only nod and watch as she walks away before closing the door after her. Once it’s closed he leans his back against it and slides down onto the floor. Once there he just sobs, his shoulders shaking with the force of it.

He opens the bag and pulls out the t-shirt Derek got him, barely even looking at it before bringing it up to his nose. He cries harder when it smells of nothing but Derek. He knows why. Derek would always wear the shirts before giving them to Theo, knowing that Theo loves when they smell like him. But this is the last time. Theo had wanted to smell Derek one more time and now he can. He’s not sure if it makes it better or worse, having his scent so close but knowing that it won’t last.

Theo wears the shirt to sleep that night, Derek’s scent still strong enough to keep him calm enough to sleep. As much as he wants to continue to wear it throughout the day he knows that he shouldn't. If he does that it will start smelling more like him than Derek and he’s not ready for that.

Stiles comes over during lunch time and all but forces Theo into a chair before placing a take-out container in front of him. “Eat.”

Theo sits back in his seat and glares down at the food, “I’m not hungry.”

“You still need to eat,” Stiles tells him. “If you don’t you’re going to waste away to nothing.”

“Like that would matter,” Theo mutters.

“Stop that!” Stile says, glaring over at him.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like you don’t matter damn it,” Stiles says. “Because you do. You matter to us. And you sure as hell mattered a lot to Derek. And the last thing he would want would be for you to starve yourself to death. So just eat the damn food.”

Theo growls and flashes his eyes, but all Stiles does is roll his eyes, “Yeah I mentioned Derek. Sue me. I know you two were married and in love and this has to hurt. Like I can’t imagine how much. But you aren’t the only one that cared about him Theo. You aren’t the only one that lost him.”

Theo feels a twinge of guilt go through him. He knows Stiles is right. There are plenty of people that cared about Derek.

“I’m sorry,” Theo mutters, hunching in on himself.

“No don’t do that,” Stiles sighs, “I don’t want to make you feel guilty. It’s understandable that you’ve locked yourself away. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost Lydia. But you can’t hide like this forever. You need to take care of yourself and let others help you.”

“And you want to help me?” Theo asks.

“Of course I do,” Stiles says, “You’re my friend. And friends look out for each other. Which means I’m not going anywhere until you’ve eaten at least half of that sandwich.”

“Fine,” Theo mutters, and opens the take out container. He does his best to eat what he can. But his stomach squirms the whole time. He’s barely finished half of it before he’s getting up and running to the bathroom and emptying his stomach into the toilet.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry,” Theo mutters, resting his head against the bathtub.

“We had to try,” Stiles says. “Now we know better than to try turkey. We’ll just try something smaller next time.”

“If you say so,” Theo sighs, pushing himself slowly to his feet. He stumbles his way to the sink and grabs his toothbrush, quickly brushing his teeth.

When he’s done, he lets Stiles lead him into the living room and then onto the couch, where Stiles quickly settles against Theo. In the past Theo might have pushed him off but he finds he likes the contact. It's oddly comforting.

At some point Stiles opens his mouth and the subject Theo has been dreading comes out, “Have you listened to the voicemail yet?”

“No,” Theo tells him, “Not yet.”

Right now he’s regretting even mentioning the voicemail to Stiles, Liam, Scott, and Mason. Ever since then they’ve been pushing him to listen to it in their own ways. Some are more subtle than others.

“Do you think you will?” Stiles asks.

Theo sighs, resting his head on Stiles’ shoulder. “I don’t know. Part of me wants to but part of me is afraid.”

“Afraid of what you’ll hear?”

Theo nods, “Yeah.”

“I think you need to,” Stiles tells him. “I know it’s hard but you can’t grieve properly with that hanging over your head.”

He knows Stiles is right, but that still doesn’t make it any easier. He sits there for a few minutes, his mind racing as he tries to figure out what he should do. He knows he doesn’t have to decide right this second but something tells him he should. He knows for certain now that Derek is gone. There’s no denying it anymore. All that’s left is the voicemail. Which is what makes it so hard.

“Can I have a moment?” Theo asks.

Stiles nods and stands up, squeezing Theo’s shoulder before walking away. Theo pulls his phone out and just stares at it for a moment. Then he hits the button for his voicemail, taps in his password, and then waits. It feels like centuries for it to connect when it’s really only seconds.

Before he knows it Derek’s voice is filling his ears. “Hey babe. By the time you get this you’ll probably have heard what happened. I’m so sorry. I know we had big plans and I hate that I’ll be missing them. I love you so much Theo, more than anything. Just try and remember that. You’ve made me so happy and these years we’ve been together have been some of the best of my life. I love you.”

_End of message_

Theo replays the message, letting the words wash over him before playing it again. He just lays there, curled up on the couch with his phone pressed to his ear, crying quietly as he listens to Derek’s final words.

The couch dips and then there’s a hand in his hair, brushing it softly away from his forehead. He looks up to see Stiles watching him, his eyes sad.

“He knew what was happening,” Theo chokes out. “He knew and he was just worried about me and making sure I knew he loved me.”

“That sounds like Derek,” Stiles says, a fond smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Theo nods, his body shaking as sobs overtake him again.

Stiles moves them until Theo’s head is resting him his lap and then he just cards his hands through Theo’s hair, holding him as he cries. Eventually Theo cries so much he falls asleep. He dreams of Derek.

***

It doesn’t get any easier. People assure him that it will but it’s hard to believe them. He gets a call from his boss at one point, telling him the position is there when he’s ready to come back to work but Theo can’t even think about that right now. He knows he should but he can’t. Not yet.

The funeral is hard. There isn’t even a body, just a closed coffin that’s more for show than anything else. He hates it. He hates that Derek is gone and that they never even found anything left of him. Not a trace.

Theo has to stand here, surrounded by all these people and hear about how much they loved Derek, how great he was, how much he loved Theo. He knows all these things. It all just feels so empty. Everything does lately.

He still does his best to put on a smile and play the part. The last thing he needs is more people being concerned for his well-being. Unfortunately Cora doesn’t buy it. She takes one look at him and sighs before pulling him in for a hug.

“I’m so sorry Theo,” She says. “He should have been here with you. If he hadn’t come to see me…”

Theo shakes his head. He knows it would be easy to blame her but he can’t. Derek had wanted to go. He wanted to help her. And more than anything he just wanted to see his sister. So he tells her that. All she does is smile and pat his cheek, telling him she’s here for him if he needs anything. He barely stops himself from saying the one thing he needs is Derek and he’s not going to get him back.

He continues sleeping in Derek’s shirt, clinging to the small comfort of his scent. Until one night he slips it on and finds the scent is barely there. He knows soon it will be gone, just like the rest of Derek is. That thought has him crying and clutching his pillow, his claws tearing into it as he fights to keep control.

It’s nights like these that Theo has a hard time thinking of a reason he’s still here. He’s lost Derek. His other half. The best part of him. His reason for getting up in the morning. His future. His life.

Theo knows it would be so easy to just end this, to let himself go and join Derek. But he doesn’t. As much as he wants to he knows that’s not what Derek would want. The thought of carrying on and growing old without Derek makes his chest ache, but he knows he has to. He will see Derek again someday. They might not grow old together, but they will be together. Someday. Somewhere. Somehow. He has to believe that.

 _Thought we had the time, had our lives_  
_Now you'll never get older, older_  
_Didn't say goodbye, now I'm frozen in time_  
_Getting colder, colder_  
_One last word_  
_One last moment_  
_To ask you why_  
_You left me here behind_  
_You said you'd grow old with me_

**Author's Note:**

> God this hurt to write. I always swore Derek was one of the characters I'd never kill, yet here I am. It hurts just as much as I thought it would.  
> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day. ♥  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
